what if I can't write for shit?
I've made notes on almost every single page it seems.
I got pretty far, up to chapter 25, but for some reason I just shut down and went back to Twitter during all my free time like I have a fount of endless money flowing my direction.
This is not the case!!!! I'm feeling kind of delusional about it.
Meanwhile, another project popped up and it stands to be lucrative a little more quickly than writing a novel, and I only have so much time to devote to it before a super, crazy, busy time period creeps up on me at work. Once work falls off a cliff again, I can devote my attention to either my manuscript or the writing project (yes it's secret). I'd like to get that project launched in September.
I'd posted a question a couple Saturdays ago on Twitter:
"Fear. What if...
What if that fear shaking you to your core is nothing more than your own superpower that you haven't yet learned how to use?"
I had to stop and reflect on this. I pictured Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker in Spiderman trying to learn how to control his web and falling until he got the hang of his own abilities. I must wrestle with this until it's no longer debilitating.
The question was meant to be motivational after all, and here I am, stuck in my own dilemma, shaking and afraid that I can't get my dreams out of my head and into my life! And yet, my landlord announced his intentions to raise my rent. No, man. Milo and I gotta get someplace better and more conducive to our desired way of life.
That means I gotta transmute this quaking fear into the "REAL" me. The writer me. The writer who slings words like arrows and never misses her target. The writer who relies on her talents to feed and house and clothe herself, put gas in the car, and take care of business. That writer!
Maybe all I needed to do was blog about it. The next step seems clearer now.
Edit the manuscript. Work on the secret. I only have but so much time to make it all come together, and I will not rush. My reputation resides within the quality I sign my name to.
In the meantime, I'm logged off Twitter for the night, so I could either edit or read. Reading seems like a luxury, so I think that's what I'll do.
What am I reading? Carol Beth Anderson's The Birth of Magic novella.
You can follow:
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My twitter: @mackenzielitt13
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Mackenzie
Mackenzie, you got this! Your writing is great even though I don't leave comments often, I've kept track of your blog and read the pieces from your novel. Your writing is NOT shit! Don't ever think that. You have talent and your "secret" project will be lucrative if you stop doubting yourself.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your words of encouragement and confidence!
DeleteHey its nice to know we are all the same with our self doubts. No true hero starts out perfect. That's why we have the hero's journey.
ReplyDeleteYou're quite right, Diego. We're not alone. All creatives ask themselves ugly questions, rude questions, insolent questions - and that's ok, so long as we answer productively and constructively so we don't stay stuck. The trick is onwards and upwards.
DeleteThe way you express yourself in your writung is captivating.
ReplyDeleteThank you for that! Thank you so much!!
DeleteMackenzie
Nailed it, you did. I've been on this carousel all month, and things are finally starting to come together. Step one: Say Yes and stfu. Step two: do the thing you said yes about. Step three: do ALL the math while you're putting it together. Ask me how I know :D
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm afraid I'm becoming all too familiar w/ the writers block part of the writing process. It does get easier. And YES, I'd love to know how you know, Debora.
DeleteMackenzie
As always, beautifully said. I believe your way with words will pay your bills someday.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the vote of confidence! As a friend used to tell me, nothing beats a failure like a try. I just gotta keep trying. Thanks again The_MCullen1809.
DeleteMackenzie
As always, well said.
ReplyDeleteWriting is almost like therapy; you can come to new understandings just by talking to yourself, *cough*, and sharing that stream of consciousness can be really helpful for everybody. Much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteYou're quite right Daniel+NotRealz. Sharing my struggles is meant to help others who go through similar situations, so it's worth it. Thanks for that. Appreciated right back.
DeleteMackenzie
Mackenzie, I'm so happy to hear your have a new project in the works! That must be very exciting. And like everyone else said, you got this. Your writing is most definitely NOT FOR SH*T!! Hang in there, keep plugging and let us all know how we can support you.
ReplyDeleteJoan Senio
My Best Friend Adeline
https://kindness-compassion-and-coaching.com
Joan, your kindness has no bounds. This Darkness is Mine is such a big part of my life, like a baby almost. I just want to write it well enough so that it stands on its own two legs. Yes, the other project is exciting, too!
DeleteThank you.
Mackenzie