PART TIME HALF-ASSED VEGAN NOTES

I will not apologize for liking and eating meat and animal byproducts.  However, having said that, I've seen enough PETA and Mercy for Animals videos on Facebook to at least try to be more conscientious about how much meat I'm eating.  More important, I've been looking for cruelty-free foods.  Specifically, I've had great success with cruelty-free ice cream, and this has been important in the quality of my life.  I'll bet that I'm not the only omnivore with a conflicted soul.  I think God should have preferred Cain's fruit offering over Abel's slaughtered animal sacrifice, but I digress.

My pressing problem is a hereditary addiction to ice cream.  My whole family suffers (suffers?) from this affliction.  Case in point, my cousin Allen genuinely suffers.  His love for ice cream makes him part of the tribe, but he has a terrible dairy sensitivity that sets his sinuses on red alert in the middle of the night.  I'm guessing that it's a terrible strain on his marriage but they have survived over 37 years.  Anyone remember Felix Unger honking through his nose?

Being an empathetic person, not only to the plight of dairy cows with mastitis, but also to my human cousin's ice cream cravings that might jeopardize his life and marriage, I went in search of dairy free ice cream. The first brand I came across was Ben and Jerry's.  Logic dictated that these were experts in creaminess, so I trusted them.  Without sounding overly self-congratulatory, I have to say I chose wisely.

Once my search gained momentum, it was hard to slow down and today my freezer looks ridiculous, $50 richer in non-dairy frozen desserts.  Yes, 50 US dollars.

I fondly refer to non-dairy frozen desserts as fake ice cream.  These are some of my favorite brands in terms of flavors, sweetness and complete ice cream equality.

Today's haul:
So Delicious - Salted Caramel Cluster with cashew milk

So Delicious - Mocha Almond Fudge on a stick with almond milk.  This will be a new try, but I'm pretty confident I'll be happy.  I mean, look at the picture on the box!

Ben and Jerry's - Coconut Seven Layer, Chunky Monkey and Caramel Brittle

Talenti - Peanut Butter Fudge.  New to try sorbetto Alphonso Mango (I have no doubts)

Steve's - Burnt Sugar Vanilla with coconut cream

 (I tried this last one tonight with crushed Oreos - which happen to be vegan - in order to emulate McDonald's Oreo McFlurry with double extra Oreos because that's my thing.  It's.  Just.  My.  Thing.  On a tangential note, I have a hard time with different McDonald's getting my order right.  The other day, I was at McDonald's in Plantation and they nailed it so well, I called the manager to say thank you!  Honest to God, they deserved a thank you.  My McFlurry was BLACK.  He wanted me to go online and let corporate know, but I thought that was a step too far over a $4.23 purchase.  Although the next time a McDonald's puts hot fudge on my McFlurry instead of extra Oreos, I might complain.  That completes my tangential note.)

This has been my idea of a public service announcement.  You should care about the plight of the dairy cows.  They are gentle creatures and deserve better lives for what they provide humanity.  If you have a dairy sensitivity, or a sensitive soul, try FAKE ICE CREAM and your stomach and spirit will feel better.