Ever since I started connecting on Twitter (with intention and purpose), I got exposed to people who have Bipolar, and some with other mental illnesses. I've connected to writers. I've connected to writers who write about Bipolar. I've connected to people with Bipolar who write about it informally.
All in all, I'm still not 100% sure that the doctors are right about my diagnosis. Much of my Bipolar behavior happens when I'm not looking, so to speak. I don't know any way to describe my own invisibility when I'm manic. I guess it's like looking in a mirror and seeing no reflection.
I've questioned my diagnoses (Bipolar, schizophrenia, paranoid schizophrenia, depressive disorder, premenstrual depressive disorder) over the years but one thing became obvious: I cannot go any length of time without being medicated.
To date, my meds are very low dose. 5mg, that's all it takes.
My thoughts come at a rate of roughly 11 per second, and that's perfectly tolerable for me. I can carry on a conversation most of the time. Sometimes I space out and get distracted, but I believe my level of distraction is similar to "normal" people. You better believe the concept of normal belongs in quotation marks.
Normal is an elastic range. I am in an elastic range that crosses over into normal and sometimes just on its periphery. That's where my creativity is and I need to go there.
Admittedly, it's better when I go there intentionally or I might not come back.
I've been lost in my mind before. Some places are quite lovely and fascinating. Others are deeply disturbing - that's the dungeon.
I said the post was random.
Thank you to my Twitter tribe. While we all experience varying degrees of mania and varying degrees of depression, we all hold on to each other.
I'll leave you with this - a link to another blog, and I invite you to watch the YouTube video embedded there. Those racing thoughts are so frequent to me that that's my normal. It doesn't alarm me. I find my own reassuring and confident voice among all that static.
Things that help (although I'm not consistent about any of these things except bedtime meds):
Meditation (sometimes I go off the rails with this, but I'm trying)
Affirmations
Maintaining a journal
Assertiveness communication exercises
Talk therapy
Writing a book based on my experience, though it takes much discipline to learn the craft of writing and storytelling
Honoring my commitment to not give up on myself
Daily motivation video on YouTube
Searching for twitter hashtags on bipolar, mental health, mental illness, writers, writing, etc.
Positivity quotes
Just calling someone for a regular conversation
Work, for the sake of structure (and earning a living)
I'd ask for comments, but I know the site makes that challenging. If you'd like to follow, please look for the BLUE FOLLOW BUTTON.
You can find me on Twitter @MackenzieLitt13
Make someone else's day magical!
Mackenzie
Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts
Sunday, November 4, 2018
Friday, September 21, 2018
International Peace Day - I really missed the sour cream and cheese
Today is International Peace Day and I saw a tweet requesting people to eat vegan so animals would have peace too. I said ok. I had a veggie burrito from Chipotle. Normally, I get this with sour cream and cheese, but then I would have broken my promise. I'm not going to lie; I missed the dairy, but the burrito was still very good without it.
Dinner, I kind of forgot my promise. Not kind of. I forgot. I went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's (two weeks' worth of food for 100 bucks. I'm tellin' ya, frozen food and fresh prepared are the way to go if you hate cooking). Tonight's selection of ready made ravioli included PUMPKIN!!! It's FALL!! YESSSSSSS! That's what I heated up and tossed with Spanish olive oil and - here's where I failed on my vegan for International Peace promise - I sprinkled romano and parmesan. By way of rationalization, I'd already had that cheese in the fridge so I caused no harm to any additional animal.
In terms of real impact, I'd been engaged in a pro vs con Twitter storm convo about Capitalism. I'm pro-Capitalism and was promptly called a "f*cking ghoul" and a charlatan. Here's the beauty of digital conversation: live in person, there's a high probability that I would have flipped the f*ck out, but communication via a medium like Twitter meant I could pause, breathe, reach for my higher self and respond, rather than reflexively react.
In the end, the conversation resumed in the morning and it was defused back down to a civil discussion. While I still feel Capitalism has no equal and is neither moral nor immoral, but depends on the capitalist, I'm open to hearing about its shortcomings and outright failings. Maintaining my dignity online led to attracting a new Twitter follower, who turned me on to a website that I think deserves highlighting: https://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org/
I'm kicking around the idea of questioning my own stereotypical ways of thinking about poor people and poverty. It's just too easy to dismiss them as lazy, and perhaps that's nothing more than an outright lie to throw us off the real culprits of income inequality.
This was the healthiest way I could think of to exercise my 1st Amendment rights in the interest of real peace.
Did you acknowledge International Peace Day today? In what way? Comments welcome.
Remember to click on the BLUE FOLLOW BUTTON on the website/desktop version.
If you'd like notification of new posts, shoot me an email mackenzielittledalewrites at blogspot dot com.
PEACE ☮☮
Make someone else's day magical!
Mackenzie
#InternationalPeaceDay
#InternationalDayofPeace
#IHateCooking
#Foodies
Dinner, I kind of forgot my promise. Not kind of. I forgot. I went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's (two weeks' worth of food for 100 bucks. I'm tellin' ya, frozen food and fresh prepared are the way to go if you hate cooking). Tonight's selection of ready made ravioli included PUMPKIN!!! It's FALL!! YESSSSSSS! That's what I heated up and tossed with Spanish olive oil and - here's where I failed on my vegan for International Peace promise - I sprinkled romano and parmesan. By way of rationalization, I'd already had that cheese in the fridge so I caused no harm to any additional animal.
In terms of real impact, I'd been engaged in a pro vs con Twitter storm convo about Capitalism. I'm pro-Capitalism and was promptly called a "f*cking ghoul" and a charlatan. Here's the beauty of digital conversation: live in person, there's a high probability that I would have flipped the f*ck out, but communication via a medium like Twitter meant I could pause, breathe, reach for my higher self and respond, rather than reflexively react.
In the end, the conversation resumed in the morning and it was defused back down to a civil discussion. While I still feel Capitalism has no equal and is neither moral nor immoral, but depends on the capitalist, I'm open to hearing about its shortcomings and outright failings. Maintaining my dignity online led to attracting a new Twitter follower, who turned me on to a website that I think deserves highlighting: https://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org/
I'm kicking around the idea of questioning my own stereotypical ways of thinking about poor people and poverty. It's just too easy to dismiss them as lazy, and perhaps that's nothing more than an outright lie to throw us off the real culprits of income inequality.
This was the healthiest way I could think of to exercise my 1st Amendment rights in the interest of real peace.
Did you acknowledge International Peace Day today? In what way? Comments welcome.
Remember to click on the BLUE FOLLOW BUTTON on the website/desktop version.
If you'd like notification of new posts, shoot me an email mackenzielittledalewrites at blogspot dot com.
PEACE ☮☮
Make someone else's day magical!
Mackenzie
#InternationalPeaceDay
#InternationalDayofPeace
#IHateCooking
#Foodies
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