Ever since I started connecting on Twitter (with intention and purpose), I got exposed to people who have Bipolar, and some with other mental illnesses. I've connected to writers. I've connected to writers who write about Bipolar. I've connected to people with Bipolar who write about it informally.
All in all, I'm still not 100% sure that the doctors are right about my diagnosis. Much of my Bipolar behavior happens when I'm not looking, so to speak. I don't know any way to describe my own invisibility when I'm manic. I guess it's like looking in a mirror and seeing no reflection.
I've questioned my diagnoses (Bipolar, schizophrenia, paranoid schizophrenia, depressive disorder, premenstrual depressive disorder) over the years but one thing became obvious: I cannot go any length of time without being medicated.
To date, my meds are very low dose. 5mg, that's all it takes.
My thoughts come at a rate of roughly 11 per second, and that's perfectly tolerable for me. I can carry on a conversation most of the time. Sometimes I space out and get distracted, but I believe my level of distraction is similar to "normal" people. You better believe the concept of normal belongs in quotation marks.
Normal is an elastic range. I am in an elastic range that crosses over into normal and sometimes just on its periphery. That's where my creativity is and I need to go there.
Admittedly, it's better when I go there intentionally or I might not come back.
I've been lost in my mind before. Some places are quite lovely and fascinating. Others are deeply disturbing - that's the dungeon.
I said the post was random.
Thank you to my Twitter tribe. While we all experience varying degrees of mania and varying degrees of depression, we all hold on to each other.
I'll leave you with this - a link to another blog, and I invite you to watch the YouTube video embedded there. Those racing thoughts are so frequent to me that that's my normal. It doesn't alarm me. I find my own reassuring and confident voice among all that static.
Things that help (although I'm not consistent about any of these things except bedtime meds):
Meditation (sometimes I go off the rails with this, but I'm trying)
Affirmations
Maintaining a journal
Assertiveness communication exercises
Talk therapy
Writing a book based on my experience, though it takes much discipline to learn the craft of writing and storytelling
Honoring my commitment to not give up on myself
Daily motivation video on YouTube
Searching for twitter hashtags on bipolar, mental health, mental illness, writers, writing, etc.
Positivity quotes
Just calling someone for a regular conversation
Work, for the sake of structure (and earning a living)
I'd ask for comments, but I know the site makes that challenging. If you'd like to follow, please look for the BLUE FOLLOW BUTTON.
You can find me on Twitter @MackenzieLitt13
Make someone else's day magical!
Mackenzie
Excellent post, Mackenize & thanks for the intro. to Brien.
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure. Brien is on Twitter, too.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mackenzie! You've articulated thoughts that have been on my mind about our little #writingcommunity on Twitter for some time. The network of support & edification available there to those in the literary arts is unparalleled in social media. Writing can be a brutal discipline on so many levels, yet one can always find solace & support from our brothers and sisters in the tribe. Your presence among us is valued and appreciated more than you know. Keep on raising our collective consciousness and soothing our souls! We need it now more than ever.
ReplyDeleteGood morning Kathy, thanks so much for taking the time to read and to share your thoughts. I couldn't agree more about Twitter's writing community! We really are a tribe.
DeleteMackenzie