Caught between Natural Selection & Indecision

I have no kids.  It's partially by my choice, partially by Nature's choice.  Had I ever tried to get pregnant, it would have been challenging because of another condition I happen to have, which isn't necessary to get into here.

Meanwhile, I consider bipolar a genetic defect.  Having said that, I don't consider it a character defect.  But it does make the absence of motherhood a bit easier.  A lot easier.

For the duration of my peak fertility years, I was never certain that I'd be a good mother.  I had a bad temper.  People told me that I was moody and hypersensitive or sometimes too aggressive.  I could be reckless and irresponsible.  My work ethic wasn't always 5-star.  Kids were annoying, if you asked me.  Oh, but babies were so cute.  At least, most babies.  There are ugly babies, and their mothers don't know.

Finding babies to be cute isn't enough to make a good mother.

Of course, there are lots of moody, aggressive mothers, but pushing a watermelon-sized baby through a hole the size of a lemon wasn't appealing to me either.

That, and the thought of being 100% responsible for another life was overwhelming.

Over time, I matured.  I was a student of myself, in a manner of speaking. Always with my nose in a self-help book, I strove to better myself in various ways.  By time I thought myself capable of handling motherhood, the window of opportunity was lost.

As I gaze into the future, I think the world is too unstable to bring an innocent life into it.  I have absolutely no confidence in today's world leaders to leave Earth in a better state for the next generation.

 

YouTube video on the Widening Income Gap in the USA

The prosperity gospel that lots and lots of speakers and preachers are talking about is a lot of hot air.  Food scarcity is real.  Water scarcity is real.  Housing crises are real.  The yawning gap between the haves and have-nots is becoming have-alls and have-nothings. I bring this up because I would bear the burden of training my young one all day every day to love herself, fend for herself, provide for herself, play well with others, not steal others' toys but not let others take her toys either.  Do I teach her to master Monopoly and bankrupt her friends in "good sport", or master games of cooperation?  When should she hoard and when should she share?

Oh, the other thing I've been told is I overthink things.

Thank you Mother Nature for taking me the hell out of the gene pool!!! xoxox


Make someone else's day magical!
Mackenzie