RANDOM THOUGHT - On Managing Expectations

I spent my morning keeping in touch with cousins and that was really nice.  I had a fascinating conversation with one and we talked about managing expectations.

My mother will never be the mother I have in my imagination and it's time to accept her for who she is.  It's time to let go of the unspoken expectations I carry in my heart, yearning for her to treat me some other way, to express her love in some other way.

So now, I bury that imaginary mother who can read my mind.  I grieve losing her but she was never real to begin with.

My mom sews.  Sometimes she sews things that I love and sometimes she sews things that I would never be caught dead in.  Her handiwork is her expression of joy and love.  That has to be enough because that's the mother I have.  When she takes time out of her days to make something from scratch with me in mind, that has to be enough.

This will be one of those things that I write down and burn for Old Year's Night.  If I burn something that doesn't serve me and my relationships, that's the only way to make way in my life for better things.

As for managing expectations, how do I say this?  If I have some unspoken expectation that my family and closest friends call me when I'm down and lonely, but they don't call, how will they know that's what I need if I don't express it?  It's not fair for me to be disappointed in them if they don't even know what I need.  If I write out what I need:

Please call me on the holidays since I haven't been a Jehovah's Witness for 31 years (how do you not know this?)
Please call me when I'm lonely; you'll just telepathically feel it, won't you?
Shoot me a text to encourage me because I'm embarking on something new and scary.
Please meet all my unexpressed needs today to show you give a shit.

I start to realize how utterly absurd I am.  Needy and ridiculous, and starting to sound an awful lot like my mom. OH GOD, NOOOOOOOO!!!!

I felt like a big turkey.

And then I felt like a

People can't read minds, and I have an obligation to know myself well enough to self-soothe.  What about their own lives and needs?  What would happen if I reached out to them?

Today I had a deep need for social connection and social media just wasn't enough.  Texting wasn't enough.  Email was completely out of the question.

I wanted to hear voice with intonation, inflection, laughter, joy and to hear how my family is doing.  Where are they going?  What's for dinner?  How are the kids and the pets and spouses?

Rather than sit and wait for the phone to ring, I picked it up and dialed and you'll never believe what happened.  I got what I wanted:  Human connection.  No other expectation than an honest conversation that could take off in any direction.  The real give and take of two people interested in each other's well-being.

Today is the best day of the year.